Paralysis. This is the word that perfectly defines the 2020 Covid pandemic for a lot of us. Some people were working more than ever, while others enjoyed family time in gardens and sunny locations. Millions lost their lives, their family members, their jobs. Most of us faced a slowing down, and we were not sure what to do about it.
Before the pandemic we had taken for granted our everyday life, our social contacts, our meetings, workshops and conferences. We were sick of emails and screens, and yet we were glued to them all day. We ran from one place to another, we had no time to respond to the growing demands, and no space to think and do the kind of work we wanted to do. Those of us with children, had taken for granted that our kids would be in school or nursery for many hours. That our spouses have their own jobs, free time and space. We were proud until then, that we managed to create a separation between free time and work, a separation between our roles. One space and role kept invading the others, but we pretended it wasn’t such a big deal. We had it all under control.
Slow living was not something we thought would be placed on us, unless we consciously chose it. But in 2020, slow living was what we got. With the epidemic, time was suddenly redefined. Our roles and identities were not the same. We have become more of something, and less of something, at the same time. Some of us started questioning what role work played, whether domesticity was really such a boring thing ( baking bread anyone?). We had to look at our family members and spend long periods of quality time with them. We could not escape the usual interactions by running to meetings, events and trips.
What helped me to stay a bit sane during those times was:
Having a schedule: I become inspired by the monks and their "rule of life". I made a schedule for myself, and for the children. I experimented and changed it a hundred times, but at least I had something to look up to in terms of structure, something bigger. I keep glued to schedules and time blocks to this day.
Stepping up on leadership: Sometimes it’s you who is in charge, sometimes it is someone else. I took the lead at home, my own little castle of influence. I perfected my cooking skills, showed positive energy, practised creativity, spoke about beliefs and ideas. I did not have to wait for a manager to step up, or the kids to call the shots. I was intent on guiding others in the way offered to me.
Keeping connected: I did not feel like it. I wanted to sit behind the screen and consume news and content, and maybe write. But I soon realised that hearing people's voices would be the antidote to loneliness and anxiety. I didn't sit on Zoom but I did make many calls to family and friends. I found a way, to call people every single day. This is the best time to listen, and share and make each other laugh.
Looking back at that time now, it was a positive time for our family. But it also taught me not to take anything for granted. Changes will happen and the only thing we will have to keep us sane is the family and friend networks we have built by staying connected to others and being a positive influence.
At certain times, all of us doubt our own accomplishments. Since starting out my communication coaching a decade ago, I have carefully listened to hundreds of smart and successful people confide in me their fear of public speaking or a generalized anxiety of speaking up.
One version of this fear and anxiety in public speaking is the so-called Impostor Syndrome. It presents itself in both young and mid-aged professionals. I believe that it affects men and women equally, although more women talk about it. Michelle Obama even admits she had it, in her latest biography called Becoming. A lighter version of the Impostor Syndrome is often found in "generalist" jobs that abound here in Brussels where I live: in policy or public affairs jobs, consultant and communication professions just to name a few.
It is actually getting more common for professionals to talk about things without being experts. We change jobs often these days (or clients if we are consultants) and this requires us to present an organization and even a sector that we may know little about. I remember working on a “sustainable energy” communication campaign back in 2009. I was in my late 20s and feeling on top of the world but I didn't have a clue about “sustainable energy”. I had to present the campaign to audiences around Europe, crowds of specialists and enthusiasts on the topic. How did I manage? I just put on a brave face and hoped nobody would find out.
Good communicators are not mythical beings with a talent for bragging. One sign of a good communicator is precisely the ability to be comfortable with talking about things we are not an expert in. The good communicator finds their own unique angle to approach any topic, and highlights what they DO know and think. They learn fast and, what they do learn, they make sure to show. Sometimes they feel fake as well, but they don’t allow that to ruin their chances. They know that “a bit of faking it, is the key to making it”.
So here are my three main tips to deal with Impostor Syndrome, if it ever catches you in its claws:
1. Make sure you are the right person for the job, and if you are not, that , at least, you want to become the right person for the job. This will involve being curious, extending your network and learning everything (relevant) about the new job, organization and sector. Find spring wells where information and knowledge flows abundantly. Then drink from it.
2. Scan the environment of your organisation, team and workplace for any people or situations that may bring you down, criticize or simply make you feel insecure. Stay away. Look for those people and situations that build you up and allow you to grow in your role and confidence.
2. Use simple coping statements to help you feel better when you are inclined to find fault with yourself. For example:
Uh-oh I made a mistake. I have to think ahead!
This is new to me, so mistakes are to be expected
It’s ok to feel anxious. I just have to concentrate on it not letting it take over.
Some situations are going to be harder than others.
In summary, be good to yourself, try harder and learn to cope. Keep smiling. And remember: overcoming Impostor Syndrome is the key to becoming a good communicator.
If you want to learn more and get some training for your team or individual coaching please contact Masha at masha@target-talk.com
My first experience as a Public Speaking Trainer was in Spain in my late 20s. I was working for a fantastic company that taught English in a very methodical way. They also had a fun summer course for small groups of university students. We had to teach those students (who were chatty but shy with groups) how to speak confidently in a language that they did not yet master. If you are familiar with the Spanish education system, you will know this really is a challenge. But they did it: at the end of that week, they spoke in front of the class with passion. The course was a success.
For the last eight years I have been training and coaching people in public speaking, working in Brussels with professionals, under my own project (www.target-talk.com). I tried my hand at many different group sizes, client groups, in-companies, non profits and also individuals. Let me tell you what I learned about Public speaking courses:
There is a lot of marketing involved. Compaines and trainers, well-intentioned or not, will try to sell you their course. One thing is to buy a place in a course, and a very different is to get actual value out of it. Be careful. The shiniest course is not always the one that responds to your needs. Marketing is smart in that it uses targeting. For example: Are you a bald man in your 50s? Then this is the course for you! Beware of courses that are tailored based on some random fact that has nothing to do with the content and purpose of your speaking in public.
Theory is just as important as practise. Never be fooled into this cliche thinking that "learning theory is boring". As a professional who wants to speak with ease, you need to be open to discovering the new developments in psychology. In the last 50 years or so researchers have learned so much about anxiety, attention, emotions and the like. All of these findings are theoretical but they are highly applicable to your issues with public speaking. Be strong = be knowledgeable. If you get out of the course armed with new info you did not know before, you know this was a course with value.
Practise is useful when done in a small setting, with consistency and with individual and honest feedback. No matter how much you want all of that to happen, it will usually not be possible in a one day course (with more than six participants). I have done groups with 12 people, and we had to divide them in two just so that eveyrbody would get some actual speaking practise. This was not very effective as the feedback the participants recieved was rushed. Small groups of 6 work better.
Big groups are not the answer. If there was a course where you could eventually learn how to speak in front of a really big group, like 200 people, I would advise you to take it. But those courses are rare. Public speaking is not like a game of survival. You don't get better at it because you are thrown at the deep end. Start small. If you are speaking to three people, and you can egnage that "small but significant" audience and stay present with them, move to bigger groups and then increase.
Group courses cannot compare with the benefits of working with your own coach.If you are working in a company and you all have a training-that makes sense. The effective trainer will tailor the content to your needs as speakers of a certain organisation and cause. As an individual, it may seem expensive to hire your own public speaking coach (if you pay out of pocket). It could be anywhere from 500 to 2000 euro for a package. (Beware of public speaking coaching packages costing you more than that!) However, if you really want to improve as a speaker, you need to have a safe space where you can get constructive and relevant feedback with tips on what to do to improve. You need to work on the content that is uniquely yours, and not just speak on general topics. You need a coach who challenges you (does not often happen in a group with lots of very different participants), and who is creative enough to propose solutions out of the box. You need more than a "fun day out" with other like-minded people. You need to have a plan.
There comes a moment in every person's life when we have to admit our limitations. That moment came to me some years ago when, in the midst of a difficult workplace situation, I realised that I was not as resilient as I had previously thought.
Although we often want to provide an image to the outside world that we can "do it all" and "have it all" (especially in the workplace), sometimes we have to "crack". I naively thought that the situation could be reversed by using clear and honest communication with the boss. I had no idea that for that concrete situation, the skill missing from my toolbox was not communication but resilience.
Had I been offered concrete help in the form of coaching, with someone who could understand and give me the tools to build my resilience, I would have learnt a very useful skill. But such a thing was not offered. I could not talk to other employees as they were in the exact same place. I could not talk to HR as they had no training to deal with such issues. And let's face it, sometimes your boss simply doesn't want you to thrive. It hurts, but when that happens, better sharpen those interview skills and get out soon.
Fortunately, many managers and HR departments do want you to thrive in the workplace. And the best way to find out where they stand is to simply tell them that you want to invest in your learning and development. There are many skills to choose from and communication skills is an important one.
Communications coaching can help employees, at whatever level, do the following:
Learn the tools that will help them speak and present with confidence, whatever the situation
Deliver complex ideas in simple and clear way
Understand body language and use it effectively
Listen to others to really hear what they have to say (active listening)
Use persuasion and argumentation
Communicate to resolve conflicts
Write, in all forms (presentations, reports, emails) so that the message is simple, clear and concise.*
Do you think you may benefit from such coaching in your workplace? Contact me to find out how we can work together!
*List was adapted and is credited to Taft Communications Website
Public Speaking Course: Focus on Introductions
Public speaking intensive Course ( half a day)
When: Saturday 22nd June 2019. 13.00 to 18.00 h
Course Programme:
Module 1: Tools to beat stress and anxiety. Skill focus: Presence
Module 2: How to gain credibility . Skill focus: Storytelling
Module 3. Crafting your introduction: Get the attention (you deserve)
Who is it for?
Presenters and speakers, from the private and public sectors, who want to tap into the power of great introductions.
What will I learn?
You will understand and apply the theory of how your brain and body work at the start of a presentation. You will then learn the steps and tools to create an effective and memorable introduction.
Teaching method:
- group dynamic (max 6 participants) where participants can learn from each other and be comfortable to give and receive feedback
- points are integrated through the use of relevant activities such as role plays and scenarios
- we set aside time for reflexion on what we have learned.
- participants create their own action plans for future presentations.
Trainer:
Masha Tarle (BA English Language and Literature) brings to the training her passion for teaching and the experience of working in a number of Brussels-based organisations as a communication manager. She founded Target Talk in 2011 and has since coached and trained hundreds of professionals in the art of public speaking and other soft/communication skills.
Note: The half a day course will provide short coffee breaks with beverages and snacks.
Where:
Elzenhof, Avenue Couronne 12, 1050 Ixelles
- To get tickets on Eventbrite please click here -
PRICE
210 euro + VAT (individuals), 350 euro + VAT (company paid)
More info and inscriptions:
mt@target-talk.com
Unless you already know, Toastmaster is a club you can join to practice your public speaking skills. It originated in the US and has thousands of chapters/clubs all around the world. Here in Brussels, Belgium (where I live) there are a couple of clubs as well and I attended several meetings as a guest.
Although I love to speak in public, I never got the motivation to “join the club”. On the surface, you could argue that Toastmasters is not for people like me: I don’t suffer anxiety when going on stage and, like most trainers, I really enjoy presenting. But, that argument holds no ground because even comfortable speakers benefit from further developing their “speaking muscles”.
The positives
Toastmasters is a unique place to practice your skills within a mid to large group setting. It is motivating to have a structured way to go about it as there are several levels of communication that you can achieve within their system. It has the “success mentality” built into its mission. When I started my training business back in 2011 I even sent people to Toastmasters. I have changed my mind since. Let me explain.
The problem with Toastmasters: public speaking vs. presenting
One reason I don’t like Toastmasters is that it mainly about public speaking, as opposed to presenting. I am a confessed nostalgic and lover of face to face communication. If I could push a button and go back to the era where people made speeches all the time, I would. But the world has changed considerably since the beginning of the Toastmaster era (founded back in 1930s).
In the current professional context, we deliver short presentations with relevant information and visuals. We don’t have a lot of preparation time. We don’t need to memorise our speeches and we certainly don’t need to make a performance out of it. Our way of speaking in public has changed partly because it is much more influenced by online conversations (the new public space). We must adapt.
Toastmasters is all about the delivery
When you look at most Toastmaster contest speeches, they seem out of tune with what we naturally do when we speak in public. In Europe at least, we don’t like to appear theatrical. We find it embarrassing to go to deep into emotions. And we don’t open easily about our personal struggles. The Toastmaster delivery style is fine at “Speech master” contests or even TED talks. What bothers me most is that the actual content is sadly put in second place. I always tell my clients: I don’t even care if you read your key points, if what you have on that paper is relevant and to the point, I will listen.Presentation skills today are more about content than they are about delivery.
Confident and charismatic speakers…no more
Thirdly, Toastmasters focuses very much on developing your confidence and charisma. It has this allure that you will one day be a star speaker. TED talks often seem to be infected with that the same virus. But you don’t need to be very confident and charismatic to be a good speaker. You just need to have something interesting and relevant to say and offer. And you know what? The world is full of shining stars, award-winning speakers, inspiring coaches and the like. You need to be you.
The wrong and right kind of feedback
Lastly, Toastmasters is about the wrong kind of feedback. There is a certain peer pressure to produce nicely packaged feedback that serves to pamper the speaker and lull him/her into a cozy state of speaking comfort. Or counting your filler words, as a way to make you aware of them and possibly remove them from your speech. Working with your own Presentations Trainer is a much better way to improve your speaking and presenting skills. Not only will you get honest feedback but you can work with someone to tailor your own unique content so that its relevant to what the audience needs.
This image was taken at my brother's wedding last year. It was that time of the day, when the sun shines the most gorgeous light and wedding photographers run around taking their best snaps. On this image, you can see a group of guests enjoying the beginning of a relaxing evening that will combine good company, loud music and delicious food.
But where was I? It was my brother's wedding after all. Well, I was certainly not amongst this fun group. The wedding started on the wrong foot for my husband and me. With our two small kids ( "Did you take the nappies? The snacks? An extra pair of clothes?) and the craziness that it all entails, we arrived late to the ceremony. Then we also arrived late to the party. Needless to say, when things don't start well, it’s kind of hard to get back on track. I loved the wedding, and I managed to dance and smile a little bit, but it would have been so much better if we started it off well.
When you speak in public, things can get hectic as well. You might be late. You might be unprepared. Or you might be on time and sort of prepared, but then your nerves are giving you very bad vibes. You might start talking and then kind of blank out. You might even say exactly what you planned to say, only to realise that your audience is already on their computers or phones. What happened to their attention spans? And who is to blame?
One thing every speaker knows is that introductions are important. But I don't think most speakers really understand just how important introductions are. Everything is at stake in that first moment when the audience lays their eyes and ears on you. Their primitive brain is trying to figure out what to do with you. Should they listen to you a bit? Or ignore you? And within you, there is a war between your body that is sending signals to your brain that you are in danger ( Run! Fight! Freeze!) and your mind that is trying to tell the body to just let it go.
So, how do you find peace? How do you start well?
One way to find out is to come to our next course. It's already in June. The light will be just as perfect as in the photo. You will learn, in 5 hours, exactly how to create that perfect introduction, where you can be calm, open, confident and know what to say to get people's attention.
Because, when you start well, you can enjoy the whole talk much more. And no, in public speaking at least, all is not well that ends well. All is well that starts well.
“Voice and Bodywork” Public speaking intensive course
Wednesday 4th July 2018. 9.30 to 17.00
More info: mt@target-talk.com
Many people are anxious when they need to speak in public. They prepare well in advance what they will say but when the moment arrives they often feel that their body and voice is out of their control.
This course aims to put you back behind the steering wheel of your public speaking delivery. This course will teach you, through concrete and proven exercises, how to feel and look confident when speaking in front of any type of audience.
Target talk is the only communication consultancy in Brussels that specialises in public speaking. Since 2011, hundreds of individual and group clients have taken private coaching or group courses to help them improve their public speaking skills.
Thanks to the wide experience of Public speaking coach and communication manager Masha Tarle, you will learn to speak with confidence and conviction. Most importantly, you will understand the reasons behind your fear/anxiety and how these can be overcome.
WHO IS IT FOR:
Professionals in international organisations, NGOs, trade associations, private companies or freelancers, wishing to understand how to get the best use of their body and voice and letting go of their anxiety, both before and during a talk.
Participants may bring a concrete project/presentation/talk they would present to others. They should also think about what kind of audience they usually present to and the situations in which they are more nervous.
COURSE OBJECTIVES:
The aim is to provide you, through clear explanations and exercises, with a practical toolkit to decrease your fear of public speaking and increase the control of your body and voice. Participants will present to others and receive feedback on steps they can take to improve their skills. There will be a maximum of 4 participants.
CONTENT:
Common fears and mental blocks (and how to overcome them)
Warm-ups and relaxation techniques
Posture and Body language essentials (including hand movements)
Making the most of your voice- pitch, tone, stress, pause and pace
Connecting with the audience
Introductions
Small vs. big audiences
Improvising
Focus and concentration
The full day course will provide short coffee breaks with beverages and snacks.
WHERE:
Co-working space The MUG , rue Charles Martel 6-8 ( Metro Schuman or Maalbek)
PRICE:
250 euro (individuals), 350 euro (organisations)
More info and inscriptions:
mt@target-talk.com
Most of my clients want to be coached and trained in public speaking delivery, especially body language and voice. They are happy to receive any type of training in that area and they find it fun. But when it comes to feedback on the content of their presentations or speeches they seem to hold back a little. I believe that, while delivery is key, content is much more important for reducing your public speaking anxiety. Good content is well-thought of and rehearsed. It becomes a part of you. Well-prepared content proves to you and others that you know what you are talking about. By not taking your content seriously, the usual speaker's anxiety (that we all get) will get worse.
Back in the time when public speaking was all about speeches, speakers took a long time to brainstorm what they wanted to say. They would take months or even weeks to ponder on the kind of things they wanted to express, and then carefully choose the words, images, metaphors and structure to implement. They had the awareness that their speech was very much anchored in the present. It had to do something to the audience. It could not be reproduced in any other way, nor recorded or tweeted. You had your chance and you went for it. It was almost ceremonial. Speeches were created through a combination of actual writing and multiple rehearsals. Speakers practiced saying their speeches so they could get used to their own voice and memorise the speech at the same time.
Today, many presenters rely on visual aids and documents such as PowerPoint. They use their slides as their life boats. They claim there is little time or need to prepare each speech by writing it out, let alone to rehearse it by saying it aloud. They are therefore not giving enough though to their content. Your best life-boat is the confidence that your content is relevant, engaging and that you know it well. Then, and only then, you can learn how to deliver it well.
